Today, was another day that I really wanted to decorate my house....(sigh)I walked around and looked at my bare walls and windows. My miss matched furniture or luck of it. I sat on the couch and my mind went wondering in how cozy I can make this place look and feel....
Troy has been gone to London for conference from 7 am till 7pm...I don't go to pick up kids till 3 pm and so it is me and my little Ryder. I try very hard to keep my mind busy...I look into my babies eyes, I make him laugh, I take him to play with his toys.....lunch time and he goes down for nap. It is quite, very quite and bare, sooo bare! I feel like I can hear my heart beat. I'm stairing at the wall....am I really that materialistic? Why my heart longing for creating beautiful things around me? I start thinking....WHY DO WE put book shelves and pictures in picture frames, and colorful pillows on the couch? Why do we need rugs? Why do we need curtains? And when we do have them why is it important that it is certain style and color? Why do we buy end tables, and coffee tables? And all the things we put on those tables. Why is it matter if our plates are white, blue or green? When you look at your porch, do you feel like you need to put something there? Why? When you see empty corner in the house or bare wall do you say: " That "....." will look so good in there." Do you plan flowers in your yard? Why? My 5 year old draw a picture and the very next thing that she did is taped it to the wall in her room. Why did she do that? Do you buy soap? Lets hope so....do you smell it first? Why? Do you smell candles, before you buy them? Why? How about your laundry soap? Maybe not all of you care, but I know some of you do. Why do we care about our surroundings so much? Am I so materialistic? Or maybe, just maybe there is more to it then meats the eye.
I'm just grieving...and longing.....and listening, and hopefully learning in the quietness of my home. Do I not know how blessed I am to have my family, and to have them with me? I do know that, and I give thanks to my Heavenly Father for that. And if my soul earns for beauty does that make me ungrateful and materialistic?
